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A CYNICAL LOOK AT THE DAILY GRIND

Friday, June 29, 2007

SMOKY BURNOUT!

What is it with men and their machines?


Every summer it's cruise night after car show after another cruise night, and so and on and so forth.

Now, I'm pretty lucky because I kind of like looking at old restored cars and chromed-out motorcycles. I actually can say I like it as much as (or maybe a little more than) the next complacently miserable woman schlepping behind a man ogling motors.

But, I believe we all need to be supportive of our spouse's interests and hobbies. After all, couples who play together stay together.


So, while the man gets revved up on horsepower, I hang out, snap a picture or two, people watch and hope he'll reward me (for being so supportive, of course) by taking an interest in my hobby ...

Going out to dinner.


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Thursday, June 28, 2007

PRESS 4 FOR NEVERMORE

I was going to talk about how I hate new towels that leave little lint balls all over your body when you dry off. But how much can you say about that, except ... "WASH THEM FIRST, YOU (BUY-CHEAP-TOWELS) IDIOT!"

So instead, I feel like going on a tirade about ... being a white American (with colored lint balls stuck to my body).

A study by Citizen Action of New York says Manhattan juries are too white. Blacks, Asians and Hispanics are severely under-represented in jury pools there.

Three out of four people who (and here's the operative phrase) "show up" for jury duty are white, even though they only represent half of the population.

Hum. Well, hopefully those who show up can speak English.

Click here for the little YouTube ditty I think you'll like "Press one for English" by Ron and Kay Rivoli.

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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

WHAT IS THIS?

Yes, I know it's a moth ... but what kind?

Last night I was futzing around on the deck and I noticed this strange-looking guy (and two of his twin siblings) hanging out on my screen door.


Now, I'm not fond of insects. I can take ladybugs, fireflies, daddy long legs and butterflies, but when it comes to moths and other creepy, crawly creatures, I'm skeeved out.

Spot here was so unusual looking that I had to take his picture. In the 11 years in the same house, I've never seen any one like this. Afterward, I Googled "black and white spotted moth with blue legs" to try to find out what kind of moth this guy is.

All to no avail. Well, actually I gave up when no moth pictures matched him in the first 20 or so Web sites I visited.


So, what kind of moth is this? Is it a rare species or is it your everyday run-of-the-mill moth? And while we're wondering ... why do they call moth balls "moth balls" when they really only repel the larvae? Why aren't they call larvae or worm balls?

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

ROLL ME OVER IN THE CLOVER

I figure I spend 90 percent of my time taking care of anything and everyone other than myself.


There's the three perma-pups, two birdies and the human animal I call "my man" at home, not to mention the outside birdies, plants (vegetables and decorative landscaping), an in-ground pool and the grandchildren when they come over.


There's also all that housework (inside and out) for our primary residence and Spud's late mother's home.

Working full-time and doing all this is why our back yard has weeds and clover.

It's also why God made stone (to bury them - weeds and clover).

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Monday, June 25, 2007

BLOOMING ONION!


Time for an update on the red onion I planter after I found it sprouting in my refrigerator since Christmas.

It has officially bloomed, which leads me to believe Stinky likes his new home.


Obviously, deep cleaning my refrigerator isn't a huge priority in my life. I do wipe down the shelves every other week (or so), but pulling out the drawers and cleaning with antibacterial spray doesn't happen all that often, which is why I found Stinky, trying to survive there, in the first place.

I just deep-cleaned the refrigerator and am always surprised at what manages to find its way under the crisper.



Today, it was ... a hair. Not so strange you say?

Well, it wasn't mine.
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Sunday, June 24, 2007

WAY TO RUIN A PARTY, MOM

As seen on My Super Sweet 16, Audrey hates her birthday gift ... a Lexus.


See her tirade by clicking on the E! segment (second from the left) of The Fan after clicking here.

Not much you can say about this, is there now? Except maybe ungrateful Audrey needs a good old-fashioned "time-out" with a punishment of ...

NO CAR FOR YOU ... EVER!

(This, obvioulsy, is a promo photo off the Lexus Web site, and not mine).

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Friday, June 22, 2007

FLAT AS A PANCAKE

She flattened it ... and almost killed herself.


A Cape May woman crashed her car to avoid hitting a turtle that was crossing the road. State Police said Saranne Goldfinger, 65, was not critically injured when her car crashed through a guardrail and tumbled down an embankment before flipping over.

The turtle, however, didn't fare as well. (sorry, I have no pictures of turtles in my photo collection).


When I took motorcycle classes, the instructor told us (as harsh as it may seem) that there are certain critters that riders shouldn't try to avoid in order to keep from losing control of the bike. He called them "squishables."

Obviously, this woman didn't know about squishables, which include reptiles/amphibians (snakes and frogs, not alligators!), squirrels and other rodents, cats and even small dogs.

Then there are those (even if you're in a car) that do not fall into the squishable category ... such as ... cows.

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Thursday, June 21, 2007

WEAR, OH WEAR, DID MY LITTLE TIE GO?

It was expensive.

I have a friend whose husband took their son shopping for dress clothes for his eighth-grade graduation.

Dad bought his son a $60 tie that matched his shirt "perfectly." Mom was not happy with the purchase because she said her son probably would wear it only once or twice.

After inspecting the tie, she discovered that the tag could be hidden while he wore it, and she concluded that after the event ... she would take it back.

Turns out he didn't wear it at all, but the thought of buying an article of clothing, wearing it, then taking it back, is not uncommon, I'm sure.

I can only hope, though, that it's not underwear.

(sorry, no tie pictures ... or underwear!)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

WHAT HAPPENS THERE STAYS THERE

I hate cleaning floors.


I hate cleaning the floors so much that I usually don't do it until I have to brush off my feet to get into bed.

I used to have a cleaning lady, but the cleaning lady fairy who paid for the service stopped paying when the cleaning lady changed her profession to ... thief.


On a similar note, I used to have indoor plants until I over-watered one. It leaked (well flooded) onto my hardwoods, which later rose and separated like plate tectonics during an earthquake. So now, instead of cleaning the floors while I'm on vacation this week, I have to find someone to tear them up.

I should have gone to Vegas.

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

NO HOLDS BARRED

Officially, I'm on vacation, but because my blog was so serious yesterday, I thought I'd share with you other potentially dangerous creatures for children.


Their siblings!

Stick with me this week and find out why cleaning floors is like going to Vegas!

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Monday, June 18, 2007

SHE'S NO ESTHER WILLIAMS, YET

She's fast ... and way too brave!


Watching granddaughter Chloe run from the house after a pee-pee break and back out to the pool yesterday without her "swimmie" on sent me into a panic as I sprinted after her, screaming, "Don't jump in, don't jump in!"

Poppie Spud was standing there cleaning the pool but couldn't get to her fast enough either, and she jumped in anyway.

Thank goodness she was in the shallow end and I was able to grab her arm and pull her out before she went all the way under.


All of a sudden, Chloe realized just how important that floatation device is. She cried for a bit, but I think it was because she saw a very angry Nana scolding her and almost crying too from the sheer horror of watching her granddaughter flounder to stay above water.

I sick to my stomach for hours afterward. It surely was a wake-up call and makes one realize how fast the unthinkable can happen. We registered her for swimming lessons today.

Please, please, please don't take your eyes off your children, even for a minute, when they are swimming.

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Sunday, June 17, 2007

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Then and Now:
In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school." Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up, it's time for hockey practice."


In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure he knows how to use a video camera.

In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table. Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-ed, pizza in fridge."

Happy Father's Day to all the dads who selflessly work hard to provide such a great life for their families!

Friday, June 15, 2007

WEEKEND RELAXER

STRESSED?

turn up the sound on your computer and then move your mouse across the bears when you click on this little ditty to relax.

Enjoy ...

HURRICANE WHAT'S ITS NAME

Misty Correy of Fullerton, Calif., lost her Siberian husky, Jewel, seven years ago.


After the dog was gone three months, the family figured Jewel was not going to return and they got a yellow Labrador retriever they named Jade. Last month, the Correys got a call from Humane Society officials in Yuma who said the microchip in Jewel allowed them to trace the dog back to the family.


They were ecstatic, and Correy's daughter, Breezy, and her older brother (whose name was probably Smog) drove 14 hours to get Jewel. When they got home the dog acted like she had never left.



There was only one problem ... Jade wasn't going to let Jewel shine in his goldmine, and they have been fighting since they met.

Moral of the story? Corny names can be a family Jewel.


OK, here's your weekend laugh:
Ten men and one woman were hanging on a rope under a helicopter and the rope wasn't strong enough to carry them all. So they decided one had to leave, otherwise they all were going to fall.

The men were unable to decide who should let go, so the woman, in a touching speech, said she would volunteer to let go because she was used to giving up everything for her husband, kids and men in general, and also was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her impassioned speech, all the men started clapping.

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Thursday, June 14, 2007

OUT OF MY GOURD

I must be a glutton for punishment.


I'm going to try again this year to grow some veggies ... not in an actual garden but in special planters on my deck.

I know I might be a little late getting the tomato plants I purchased in their respective pots(because I never can remember when to start them from seeds), but I'm going to give it the ol' college try anyway.




I just love watching stuff grow. It totally fascinates me.

Except, of course, for the mold on the bathroom ceramic tile grout.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

GOING NUTS


Not much of a blog today, just some pictures of nasty, evil-eyed squirrels eating and doing the mating dance in and around my bird feeders.


Blogger dmc sent me this picture of her squirrel. Looks like he's getting Lays-ed, too.

I found there's no such thing as a squirrel-proof feeder as you can see on the YouTube post.


I did, though, find a funny story on the Web about a motorcyclist, a squirrel and some cops. It's a little long but a great laugh-out-loud read.

Click here for the story.

Then take another look at the blog below with the Jesus image on the sonogram and be thankful you weren't that motorcyclist.

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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

PIOUS PLACENTA?

Now, this gives new meaning to born-again.



A Union Beach, N.J., woman claims her 18-year-old daughter's fetal sonogram appears to have the image of Jesus on it.

When Lorraine Olsen's daughter, Sarah, had a sonogram recently, mother and daughter were amazed that the print out showed what they say is a "bearded Jesus" with "raised arms" as if blessing the crowd at Sermon on the Mount. The uncanny Shroud of Turin-like image also is wearing a "crown of thorns" and dressed in a plain "white robe."

We've all read about Mary Magdalene's image appearing on a piece of toast and Jesus' in the wood grain of a bathroom door.

And, while perceptions of religious imagery in natural phenomena are not uncommon, what was strange was the staffer, who put out Olsen's message to the Asbury Park Press newsroom, has a last name of ... and get this ... Priest.

You can't make this stuff up.

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Monday, June 11, 2007

TAKING IT ON THE CHIN (AND THE BACK)

I was less than amused.

A roller coaster in Arkansas got stuck 150 feet in the air, upside down, after a power outage. Its passengers were precariously dangling like droplets of water on a high-tension wire during a good rain.

I can imagine the horror the riders must have felt as blood rushed to the top of their heads. Being upside down on one of those rides for a second or two is bad enough, but to hang for 30 minutes waiting to be rescued ... agh!



I remember one summer taking my kids to a water park and there was insufficient power to pump the water down the slides. As excited kids came swooping down, you could see the anguish on their faces as their skin stuck to the slides once the mats stopped short and threw them off on their own. Some had slide rash so bad, their backs were bleeding.

Needless to say, we asked for our money back and left before the kiddies got a chance to go on.

Summer's here. Have fun, but be careful out there!

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Friday, June 08, 2007

FUNNY HA HA!

Because it's been a tough week, let's go into the weekend on a light note.


A blonde came in to a garage and asked for a 710.
The mechanic asked, "What's a 710?"
She said she did not know exactly what it was, but the piece always had been in the middle of the engine, and she lost hers.
The mechanic took her over to another car that had its hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
"Of course," she said. "It's right there."

Thursday, June 07, 2007

IT'S ALIVE!

It's time for: "ONION UPDATE."


If you remember several blogs ago, I planted a red onion I found growing in my refrigerator crisper since Christmas.


Well, Stinky loves his new full-sun environment in the pot full of soil.








This newest picture was taken last week, but right after hurricane Barry's drenching the other day, it shot up even more, some three or four inches higher than shown here.


Even weirder are the onion's longest two sprouts, which move back and forth from day to day, almost alien-like. One day they will be crossed and the next they will point in opposite directions.

IT'S AMAZING!!!!!

OK, so I'm easily amused.

Stay tuned for more onion updates throughout the summer.

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Wednesday, June 06, 2007

SMOKE AND MIRRORS

AGGGGHHHH!!!!


In my deceased mother-in-law's home, there's a skylight in the master bathroom.

Now, I don't mind skylights in the kitchen or any other room in the house. In fact, I love rooms with windows that let in the light. I just prefer not to have skylights in those rooms where you're naked and standing in front of a lot of mirrors.

As you imagine (if you're daring enough), top (or bottom) lighting is not very flattering, especially to those bodies with skin that's beginning to see the effects of gravity.

So, there's no denying it now. I've seen the light and have officially entered my silver years. I figure they're not golden until you stop looking in mirrors at all.


As for the cat refrigerator magnet, I know it's disgusting, but I have readers with strange senses of humor, and I needed a laugh today. Sorry, cat-lovers.

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Tuesday, June 05, 2007

KEEP THOSE DOGGIES ROLLIN'

Injuries are on the rise for kids engaging in a new international craze calling "heeling."

According to a report in the June edition of Pediatrics, Heelys (sneakers with wheels) have some kids going head over heels right to the emergency room.


Over a 10-week period last summer, 67 children were treated for injuries from Heelys at Temple Street Children's University Hospital in Dublin, Ireland. And, one death and at least 64 roller-shoe injuries were reported to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission during a 15-month period.

Pediatric orthopedic surgeon Dr. James Beaty is concerned that parents who buy the shoes for their children have developed a false sense of security in that Heelys are like any other shoe and are not dangerous. But, reported injuries have included broken wrists, arms and ankles; dislocated elbows and even cracked skulls in children wearing the shoes. Even without falling, balancing on heels can strain feet and Achilles tendons.


Besides the fact that heeling kids are annoying as they whiz around you at the mall, I don't see why there's such a fuss. I'd think skateboarding, bicycling (and just walking on ice) would result in more injuries.

But, if parents are stupid enough to buy the shoes for their kids without making them wear protective gear, the Marie Antoinette in me says "let them eat concrete." (Oh good grief, just joking).

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Monday, June 04, 2007

THE BIGGEST LOSER

It took 16 minutes for Ohio death-row inmate Christopher Newton to die during his execution last month. The average time is around seven minutes.


The execution team stuck the prisoner, who insisted on the death penalty as punishment for killing a cellmate, at least 10 times with needles to get the shunts used to administer the lethal chemicals in place. Newton continued to talk, smile and laugh with the prison staff, and at one point was even given a bathroom break.


At 265 pounds, Newton's obesity explained the difficulty in accessing his veins, but was the dosage modified for his weight? Also, the lengthy time that passed before Newton succumbed suggests that the chemicals may not have been flowing properly.

Maybe we should make sure death-row inmates are healthy enough to be killed before we kill them.

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Friday, June 01, 2007

NEAR MISS

I did my good deed for the day ... I think.


Driving down a very busy four-lane roadway in Toms River on my way to work, I spotted a beautiful dog in the middle of the road. He looked frightened and out of his element.

Luckily, there was a place to pull over along the shoulder, which I did and got out of the car to try and get the dog to safety.

A man and a woman on the opposite side of the road said they had been trying to get the dog to come to them to no avail. I called to him, and he came right over, tail wagging.

When I picked him up, he licked my face. He didn't squirm, growl or try to get away. He had no collar or identification.

There was a house nearby with the garage door open, and the man said he thought the dog came from there. We rang the doorbell and banged on the door. No one answered.



We went into the garage and the door to the inside of the house was open. We called inside, no one answered.
I put the dog down, he ran in, and I closed the door.

Hopefully, the residents will come home to find their pet safe and sound.

Either that or they will be very surprised to find a strange dog in their house.