Subscribe Now!
GannettUSA Today

Say, what?


Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Be glad you don't live next to me.

A Somerset County township tabled a dog ordinance that would have found dogs (and their owners) in violation if they barked four times per minute for more than 10 minutes, or two times a minute for at least an hour.

I'm wondering if that counts for just one dog, or if my three dogs barked a total of 12 times a minute for 120 times in 10 minutes would that be three times the fine?

And does it count toward the violation if I growled (yes, growled) "baaaad" after every bark like some dog trainers tell you to do? Would I be fined, too, for trying to get my dogs to stop barking at the neighbors' two dogs that are barking back at a rate of eight times a minute for 80 times in 10 minutes?

That would be 200 barks from the dogs and 120 "baaaads" from me for a total of 320 noise violations in 10 minutes.

Take a tip from plus-size Toots: Let it go, lie very still and try not to tip over your cache of carefully stacked doggie treats.

For more on the story click here.

Labels: , , , , , ,

Monday, July 30, 2007


Does this upset anyone else but me?

Every time I order out or get fast food, there are always too many utensils in the bag or too many ketchup packets.

I have enough soy sauce and hot mustard packets in my refrigerator to sauce down all the rice in China. And, I don't know why I can't throw them away, especially the plastic forks.

So there they sit in a drawer, waiting to be used someday.

I hate how gluttony and wastefulness makes Americans look.

Then again, the late President Ronald Reagan would have turned this ketchup packet into a smorgasbord for schoolchildren.

For full story click here.

Labels: , , , , ,

Friday, July 27, 2007


You can't make this stuff up.

Because it's Friday and Friday night is date night, here's an interesting item I found while tooling around on the information highway.

You'll never guess how this woman inhaled a condom. Check out the doctor's report.

In other news, if you're always a bridesmaid and never the bride, you might want to consider wearing this dress to the next wedding you're in.

Be prepared to be the most popular woman there!

(Sorry, no credits were available for the designer of the condom dress or the photographer. The picture was forwarded to me in an Internet circulated e-mail.)

Hope your weekend doesn't suck.

Labels: , ,

Thursday, July 26, 2007


The Walt Disney Co. has announced that it will eliminate smoking from all its films released under its label. It also will put a health warning on films and DVDs that include smoking.

And what about the Disney classics? Just how many depicted incidents of smoking?

A Georgia University study explored tobacco and alcohol exposure in 24 Disney G-rated, animated, feature-length motion pictures from 1937 to 2000 and found 381 incidents of substance use. Virtually no anti-use messages were seen in these films directed toward young children.

Nearly 30 years ago, I took my young son to the movies and a picture of a cigarette with a red line through it popped up on the screen.

The theater was completely silent until my son said in a really loud voice, "No smokin' in here!"

Everyone cracked up and some people started clapping.

Propaganda (for lack of a better word) works.

Something to ponder: Granddaughter Chloe loves Disney princesses. Good thing she didn't take a liking to Cruella.

Labels: , , , ,

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


The sign said to merge.

I just happened to be in Spud's BIG truck in the right lane when a woman in a little car refused to let me merge in front of her.

I had my blinker on, and she was far enough behind me that I pulled the truck in front of her anyway. She went ballistic.

In my rear-view mirror I could see her arms flailing, her mouth spewing curse words and then ... she gave me the finger ... out of her window.

I would have liked to have sat the (b)witch down and informed her of the proposed New Jersey road rage law that says audible verbal threats or insults, flashing of headlights, use of demeaning gestures or other such actions directed at persons driving lawfully could net the bird-flasher a $1,000 fine, one-month license suspension and an anger-management course.

But, of course, I couldn't as she angrily began tailgating. Instead, I waited until she got the chance to pull up next to me at a light and I rolled down my window and sang out to the tune of the Purina Dog Chow commercial ...

"My truck's bigger than your car; my truck's bigger than yours!"

Giving the finger is acceptable in this case.

Labels: , , ,

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Geez, Louise

A Malaysian teacher and boarding school warden punished 170 teenage girls by making them squat neck-deep in a fish pond for flushing their sanitary pads down the toilet.

English teacher Wee Yim Pien, 27, sent the girls into the pond to squat for 30 minutes after they repeatedly ignored her warnings to stop.

Teachers unions have protested Wee's action, saying it was unwarranted and amounted to abuse.

Seems to me, degrading women, especially in the feminine hygiene area, is nothing new. Just take a gander at this old Lysol (Yikes!) douche advertisement. And recently, the top (very suggestive, subliminal) photo was used in a K-Y Jelly ad.

Men surely contrived that one.

So women, be safe and stay fresh out there.

For more on the sani-pad story click here.

Labels: , , ,

Monday, July 23, 2007


When I read about the 5-pound Chihuahua in Masonville, Colo., that supposedly saved a toddler from a rattlesnake, I thought bulls#!t.

I mean, come on ... the itty bitty dog jumped in front of the snake as it was striking the 1-year-old boy who was playing in a birdbath at his grandparents' house?

The grandfather said he "heard" the dog yelp when the snake bit his dog, which translates that he didn't SEE it happen.

As the owner of three Chihuahuas who are afraid to go out in the rain, I'd say that the curious dog just got in the way.

Then again, I have seen my girls attack the glass storm door (and each other) when another dog walks by.

On a lighter note:
On July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep ranch just outside Roswell, NM.

This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. government. However, what you may NOT have realized is that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Bill O'Reilly, Condolezza Rice, and Dan Quayle were all born.

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?

Labels: , , ,

Friday, July 20, 2007


Wal-Mart is going to start selling faith-based toys.

It's the first time a full line of religious toys (from One2believe) will be offered at a mass market retailer, other than in specialty religious stores.

The world's largest retailer is targeting parents who would rather their kids play with a Samson action figure than Spider Man.

God only knows, there's a lot to be said for a long-haired, super-strength action figure that can kill tons of Philistines, sleep with a prostitute, and fall in love with a traitor before having his eyes gouged out and sent to grind grain.

A Samson toy is sure to bring down the house.

In the long run, religious toys won't be any different than other toys. They all end up in the bottom of a toy box, while some kids prefer to play with everything they're not supposed to play with.

For full story click here

Labels: , , , , ,

Thursday, July 19, 2007


An Edgewater Park, N.J., woman was put on notice by town officials for trying to attract butterflies and birds to her backyard.

Vicki Wozniak's one-eighth of an acre wildlife habitat is certified with the National Wildlife Federation, and it's totally covered in plantings that attract critters.

But officials say her property "has become a blight to the neighborhood with its overgrown landscaping," and issued her a summons. Wozniak is facing a $1,200 fine if she's found guilty.

The message is clear: Be environmentally friendly, try to save the Earth, but not in your backyard.

I guess for some people "being green" only applies to Kermit.

Click here for full story.

Labels: , , , , ,

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


This is Heart-Kun, a Chihuahua born with a perfect heart-shape marking on its side.
His owner, Emiko Sakurada of Japan, said this is the first time she's ever seen such a marking on any of the 1,000 dogs she's bred.

Gee, you think?

She also believes the dog has brought her good luck. Check out the Reuters report on YouTube.

OK, so this cute little puppy has a heart and a face anyone can love.

Then we have those faces only the dog's owner can love.

Labels: , ,

Tuesday, July 17, 2007


A New Jersey woman's husband lost her blue and gold macaw, Sophia, during an outing with their bird in (get this) Overpeck Park, Bergen County. Rosalie O'Hara's was so distraught that she went to the newspapers, offering $5,000 to get the parrot back.

O'Hara soon got a call from police who said a jogger, some 80 miles away, found a blue and gold macaw. O'Hara was thrilled and rushed to collect what she thought was her pet. She then released another story to the press saying that the bird's markings and behavior were unmistakable, and that she definitely had Sophia back.

But Sophia wasn't herself all weekend. Turns out SHE was a HE named Spartacus, another blue and gold parrot lost the same day. Spartacus' owner located his pet from O'Hara's press coverage.

O'Hara, embarrassed that she mistook Spartacus for her pet of 16 years, eventually got her bird back, too, after a neighbor called to say she found Sophia.

Damn, those birds ... they all look alike.

(This is CaCa, a yellow napped macaw, who used to be my bird until ex-hubby got custody).

Full story click here.

Labels: , ,

Monday, July 16, 2007


Police arrested an Upper Saddle River man last night about 10 p.m. on charges of impeding traffic.

So what, you say?

Well ... at the time William H. Simmons was asleep at the wheel of his car on Route 72 in Stafford. The car was not moving but stopped in the slow lane.

Oh yeah, Simmons also was charged with driving (?) while intoxicated.

He must be related to the McDrunk who did the same thing in the fast-food lane at McDonald's a couple of months ago (see May 24 post).

For not much more on the story click here .

Labels: , , ,

Friday, July 13, 2007


Time-outs don't work ... at least not for my granddaughter who's distraught for only a minute or two when given one. Then she laughs in your face.

Watching Chloe sit like an incarcerated criminal with her hands wrapped around the legs of a stool under the kitchen counter where I stipulated her time-out spot to be, I could see her smiling on the inside.

This was no time-out, but a chance to legitimately be next to the dog's water bowl in which to play. You see, I have to keep this little rascal in sight even during a time-out otherwise she's in to everything.

In any case, I came across this Harriet Carter Gifts "Time-Out Teddy" that lets kids know when time's up! The Teddy bear not only measures a child's time-out if they've misbehaved, but also aids in teaching youngsters the concept of time.

Ingenious ... reward the discipline-challenged kid with a toy. Then again, it might keep Chloe occupied trying to dismantle it before the buzzer goes off.

Labels: , ,


A city councilman in Utah, Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the East Mountains from his home until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built a house.

The new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance. The new neighbor had to drop the roof line, at great expense.

Easton called the city again and informed them that his new neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. He didn't like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to the councilman's home to see the vent view, this is what they found ...

Good reason not to tick off your neighbors.

(Photo of the vents was sent in by a reader and the top photo is really the Blue Ridge Mountain range in Blairsville, Ga.)

Labels: , , ,

Thursday, July 12, 2007


Since yesterday's blog was full of manure, I thought you might enjoy these interesting items I found in the news today.

The Chinese opened a four story, 30,000-square-foot public bathroom in Beijing that's complete with uniquely shaped urinals resembling crocodile mouths and, OMG, the Virgin Mary. Outside it looks like the Great Sphinx of Giza, while inside, the world's largest state-run public bathroom is complete with soothing music and TVs.

Could be a contender for the eighth Wonder of the World.

In neighboring Japan, an anonymous benefactor is leaving packages of money in municipal toilets across the country with a note that says "Please make use of this money for your self-enrichment. One per person." Packages contain 10,000 yen or $82 dollars. Around $16,000 has been found so far.

This wonder is just ... why?

Here in the U.S., Kimberly-Clark has rolled out its newest product ... a touchless toilet paper holder that, with a wave of the hand, dispenses sheet lengths from 16 to 24 inches, or about five squares (I actually walked over to the rest room to measure it). The world can now rest assured Americans are curbing their gluttony for massive amounts of "untouched" toilet paper.

The user who can get away with only five squares has my vote for the ninth Wonder of the World.

(AP and Kimberly-Clark photos)

Labels: , , , , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


OK, so they're not as fresh as a daisy.

Scientists say cow burps (not flatulence) are responsible for one greenhouse gas widely believed to be part of the cause of global warming.

The average dairy cow belches out about 100 to 200 liters of methane each day. Experts didn't specify how much methane the poofers produce.

So now they want to change the cows' diet so they will belch less. I wonder which celebrity cow they will get to prove their theories.

As a side note, I was going to embed this informative YouTube electric cow video, but instead, I thought the manure bath below was laugh-out-loud funny.

I've sank, sunk (and sunken) to a new low.

Labels: , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


I had an appointment ... at 7:30 a.m.

Getting to the service appointment for my car is always a real treat. I knew I had to get up extra early to make it there on time and, of course, I woke up at 2:45 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep until 5 a.m.

By 6 a.m. when I should have been well-rested and raring to go, I was out cold. I didn't wake up until 6:45, which put me 45 minutes behind.

They took my car even though I was late because it's a $500 service (ouch). To top it off, I got the last loaner that looked (and smelled) like it came from Rent a Wreck. Tired and grumpy, I was angry, but I had no right to complain.

As I looked at the stone-faced service mangers, who probably wouldn't heed my gripes anyway, I overheard one tell another woman that her car needed a new engine.

I thought he was going to fall over when she asked, "Is that serious?"

Seriously, that made my day.

Labels: , , , , ,

Monday, July 09, 2007


Ya gotta love readers who send in stuff like this.

A Woman's Prayer

Dear Lord,
I pray for
Wisdom: To understand a man;
Love: To forgive him; and
Patience: For his moods, because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll just beat him to death.

Friday, July 06, 2007


Did you hear about the 4-year-old girl who called 911 nearly 300 times looking for McDonald's.

OK, so maybe she didn't ask for a hamburger all 300 times she called from her suburban Chicago apartment, but authorities tracked her down by offering a delivery from the fast-food chain.

It seems the kid was playing with a deactivated cell phone and used it to call dispatchers, sometimes as often as 20 times a shift. Under federal law, deactivated cell phones still must be able to access 911, and many will contact an emergency call center if the user holds down the nine key.

Dispatchers heard the child's voice but could only track the phone's signal to her apartment complex. So to pinpoint her, they asked her what she wanted. She said McDonald's and gave them her address.

Police arrived, without the food, and mom took away the cell phone.

Harsh punishment. Police should have taken away mom's too until she taught her child that a phone, activated or not, is not a toy.

I guess I'd better retrieve my old one from the grandkids' toy box. There are so many other great things in the house besides a cell phone that children can play with anyway.

***please bookmark this site as one of your favorites

Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Thursday, July 05, 2007


In America we're not called the "home of the free" (because of the brave) for nothing.

We have the right to do almost anything such as ... eating hot dogs until you puke.

Does this gross out anyone else but me?

OK, I understand that the Coney Island hot dog-eating contest has been a tradition for almost a century, but watching these people "go for the gluttony" makes me sick. Especially when one upchucks like last year's champ did yesterday.

See it on YouTube here.

In any case, the mustard championship belt (I can't believe there actually is such a thing) is back in America after six long years!

It's something to relish, no doubt.

(Photos are by Associated Press)
**please bookmark this site as one of your favorites**

Labels: , , , , , ,

Tuesday, July 03, 2007


A Pew Research Center survey on marriage and parenting found that Americans no longer believe having children is an important factor for a successful marriage.

Instead, sharing household chores, good housing, adequate income, a happy sexual relationship and faithfulness have outpaced the children factor by 3 to 1.

Couples say the main focus of marriage now is the mutual happiness and fulfillment of adults rather than bearing and raising children.

That attitude may be all well and good for the young Generation Next. But I guarantee any self-respecting, selfish "Q-Tip" in 2060 won't be singing that tune, especially when family caregivers are non-existent.

On a bright note - without all that baby-making going on - there might be a glimmer of hope in the future of finding affordable housing at the Shore (and no parkway delays getting there).

***please bookmark this site as one of your favorites***

Labels: , , , , , ,

Sunday, July 01, 2007


She's too smart.

Yesterday, we took granddaughter Chloe, who's almost 3, to the boardwalk to go on a few rides.

All the way there she kept trying to wiggle out of her car seat and succeeded at least once. I had to keep unbuckling my seat belt to turn around and lean over the front seat to strap her in tighter.

All the activity caused Poppie's (I'm getting mad) blood pressure to rise.

On the rides, Chloe soon learned the importance of seat belts as she glued herself to my armpit when we went on the kiddie roller coaster.

When we got back in the car to go home, I wondered if I had traumatized her for life because she didn't put up a fuss about the seat belt like she usually does.

Poppie wasn't taking any chances this time, though. He made me sit in the back.

Labels: , ,