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Friday, June 30, 2006


I love the Fourth of July.

You can actually celebrate without feeling guilty as with other holidays that have a somber tone.

The only thing I don't like about this time of year is that a lot of co-workers are on vacation, making more work for the rest of us.

One co-worker went to a tractor race that her father was in. She said it was about as exciting as watching paint dry.

And because I usually watch paint dry on my holidays and vacation, this Fourth of July I plan to do just the opposite.

Hopefully, I will be having fun and relaxing. Which means there will be no more blogs until July 5 unless I decide to paint the deck.

So, what kind of fun are you planning?

Thursday, June 29, 2006


I know some people who, emotionally, might as well be a rock.

They don't allow themselves to feel anything such as love, compassion or even remorse.

But, if you look real close at their self-imposed, rock-like exterior, there are tiny fissures that expose their hearts to the rest of us.

And sometimes, just sometimes, life's sand, water and seeds get in the fissures, and something beautiful blooms.

Then, even the rock is beautiful.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006


Enough with the rain already!

My hope of growing vegetables is sinking in the mud that they're trying to grow in.

The tomatoes have black spots, the peppers are shriveling, and the squash looks like it's rotting from the inside out.

On top of that, 2-year-old granddaughter Chloe has been sneaking around and pulling off the green tomatoes that are trying to ripen in the deluge of rainstorms.

At least the blooms that appeared on the plants before the vegetables started to pop out were pretty.

And if it were hot and dry, I'd probably be complaining about all the watering I'd have to do.

It seems some of us are never satisfied.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


If you read my column on Wednesdays, you'll remember that Big Sis' dog Casey was
terminally ill, and she was waiting for the right "time" to put him down.

Today is the day.

In another unfortunate twist of fate, Little Sis' dog Jimbo suffered from kidney
failure yesterday. It looks as if he, too, will be taking the trip across the Rainbow Bridge with Casey.

I feel helpless because I'm not in Florida to help my sisters through this very sad time. But, just so they know, in my heart I wish I were there, if to do nothing more than to give hugs, offer my support and try to help them begin the healing process by focusing on the world of the living.

Monday, June 26, 2006


This is Leo.

He's in his 70s and living life to the fullest.

Even though he just got a divorce after being married for years, he bought himself a fancy sports car, goes on exotic vacations and can cook a mean seafood dinner from what I understand.

It's nice to know that someone who has been through a lot still wants to enjoy all that life has to offer.

We should appreciate our health and what we have no matter what, just like Leo does.

You can't keep this guy down!

Friday, June 23, 2006


It's good to be on top of your game.

I was honored by publisher Bob Collins yesterday to receive one of the Press' Blue Chip awards and $50 bucks for my "outstandingly consistent work" as an editor and columnist.

So, here I am, tooting my own horn.

Usually, I scoff at company awards that, in my mind, mean you have to work harder to continue to measure up.

But now that I actually got one, it means ... Damn, I'm good!

And the $50 bucks should keep me in cheap wine for at least a couple of weeks.

Thursday, June 22, 2006


On a clear day, you can see forever.

So, why does the radio reception in my car go wacky?

I get better reception (even with satellite) when it's cloudy out.

Today I had to listen to some kind of reggae hip-hop crap filter in and out of my
favorite talk show.

Who wants to listen to someone bustin' a move when broadcasters are telling me that officials are trying to ban McDonald's in areas where fat kids live.

Of course, the commercials come in loud and clear.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006


My man's son is turning 17.

He's a great kid, a good student and plans to be a veterinarian.

He's into horsepower - the animal kind.

Soon he'll be taking the reins of the other kind of horsepower.

He's all excited about driving and gaining his independence.

Oh, to be 17. What a glorious age!

I wonder what I would do differently if I had the chance to do it all again?

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


Where are my rose-colored glasses?

I'm such a pessimist at times. At least that's what my man claims.

It's not that I look for the bad in life, it's just that I try to be prepared for a worse-case scenario.

Sort of like when I said it might be a good idea to check out the electrical system to my mother-in-law's in-ground pool before we open it up for the summer.

Sure enough, there was no GFI (ground-fault interrupter) breaker to the pool pump.

Why is it that I'm always right?

Monday, June 19, 2006


I hate hoses.

I hate them more than I hate going to the dentist.

Can someone please invent an easy-to-use hose?

All I do is tug, pull, and walk back and forth, trying to straighten out the kinks to get water to my plants and bushes.

Forget about the grass that has turned into a sandy bed of weeds.

Forget trying to wind up the hoses without causing a rotator cuff injury.

I'd forget it all if I didn't feel guilty watching my thirsty plants wilt.

Friday, June 16, 2006


Life use to be so simple.

The word outsourcing didn't exist, and communicating with each other usually meant face to face.

Now, if you have a computer or Internet problem, you're transferred to some foreign country (where you can't understand a word the person who is supposed to help you says) to try and get satisfaction.

A friend recently got a $1,000 bill from AT&T for her Internet access. It seems
someone in India didn't know that the dial-up number they gave her was long distance.

Finding resolve to date has been futile.

Where is the push 1 button for English?

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


I couldn't get it open.

No matter how hard I tried, it just wouldn't give ... until I got out the BIG kitchen knife. After which the fear of accidentally stabbing myself crossed my mind.

The plastic casing around one of my new camera accessories was harder to get into than Jack Benny's wallet. I had to mutilate it to get out the memory card.

Later, I was so distressed that I decided I needed a glass of wine.

Just my luck, the cork wouldn't come out.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


Father's Day is approaching fast.

I'm at odds and don't know what to get my man Spud.

Not that I have to get him anything, he's not my father, after all.

No matter, I usually try to get him something every year from our three Chihauhua perma pups who love him dearly.

I was thinking maybe a BB gun for some squirrelly target practice, but I'm afraid he'll shoot his eye out.

Monday, June 12, 2006


I've heard it all ... well, maybe not.

It seems teens now can download a ring tone for their cell phones that only they can hear. That way they can receive text message alerts in class without the teacher knowing because the aging ear can't hear these high-pitched tones.

Ironically, the product was developed by a Welsh security company to dispel loitering teenagers outside shops.

I guess it works.

Maybe that's what I need for the brats from the high school next to my house who
vandalize my property.

Saturday, June 10, 2006


I didn't know if I was coming or going.

I purchased my new camera online but didn't want to wait five to seven days for shipping.

The major electronics store I bought it from had express pickup, so I ordered online and went later that day to the nearby store to get it.

They had it and the accessories all ready.

The only problem was none of the accessories were the right ones for that particular camera. Good thing I asked. Stupid online saleswoman.

So, I stood around for another hour, shooting the you-know-what with the in-store camera expert who set me up with the right accessories. She gave them to the cashier who checked me out.

Five miles down the road, I had this funny feeling that I should check the bag. Stupid cashier gave me the accessories that the stupid online saleswoman tried to pawn off on me.

I think I'm in "Twilight Zone" Stupidville.

Thursday, June 08, 2006


They tried to catch me napping.

It was too good to be true when I found a Web site that offered the camera I wanted at $500 less than every other site I scoured.

I showed the offer to a colleague who said it looked like a great buy. He also said to purchase the camera with a credit card that would protect the deal just in case it wasn't above board.

I was excited that I had done my homework and proceeded to make the purchase, filling out all my information online.

Then it came down to the payment method.

All they would accept were MoneyGram money transfers. A big red flag shot up.

Sneaky bastards. It WAS too good to be true.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006


Just my luck.

It was raining, 5 p.m., and I was ready to go home.

What I got was a flat tire in the parking lot.

What I didn't get was someone who wanted to know if I needed help.

OK, the security guard was curious to know why I was parked in the lot with my flashers flashing.

So, where is my scalawag, Sir Walter Raleigh?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006


In a perfect world, it only would rain between midnight and 2 a.m.

In a perfect world, a 10-year-old dog's breath always would smell like a puppy's.

In a perfect world, being in good shape would mean being perfectly round.

In a perfect world, there would be no disease, everyone would have enough food to eat and no one would ever feel a need to cheat on their spouse.

In a perfect world, John Lennon's "Imagine" would be the norm.

And, in a perfect world, a $2,000 camera wouldn't shatter when you dropped it.

Sunday, June 04, 2006


I'm always in the weeds.

No matter how hard I try I can never get out from under all the tasks I have on my list of things to do.

Some lists are years old.

All I wanted to do this vacation was clean out the junk room and move a few stones to the front flower bed.

They didn't get done. And going back to work is looming.

I'm in the weeds.

Thursday, June 01, 2006


I've had it!

Oh yes, I bought a Havahart squirrel trap because I don't want to admit that I'd really like to bash in their little squirrelly brains for taking over my back yard.

The rascally rodents finally pushed my last button when they decided the new pepper, squash and tomato plants I've been trying to grow have become part of their diet ... not to mention the hibiscus flowers they do contortions (that would make a gymnast jealous) to get to.

It's bad enough that they eat their way through 5 pounds of sunflower seeds, which I put out in left field every day to keep them at bay!

If this Havahart doesn't work, I may have to move ... or buy a small AK-47