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Monday, April 30, 2007


I had too much fun.

These pictures I took at a wedding over the weekend tell it all.

Yes, I had way too much fun.

Too bad the event, which BTW was lovely, was on Sunday and not Saturday. That way I wouldn't be sitting here at work with a giant headache.

God knows I didn't drink my water.

Damn open bar.

I also would have had Sunday to try and remember who I need to apologize to and who I embarrassed besides myself.

Whoopee! Thank goodness for friends who know all about you and love you anyway.

Friday, April 27, 2007


It's a yucky day.

The weather is rainy and my mood is gloomy, so here's a little joke to yuck it up.

A Chihuahua, a Doberman and a bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The collie replies, "That's not
good enough."

The bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." The collie says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone ... cheese mine."

Yuck, yuck!

And the peanut gallery goes wild!

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Thursday, April 26, 2007


It's "what goes around, comes around" at its best.

Harp seal hunters are stranded in the ice off Newfoundland's northeast coast.

Right now, Canadian coast guard icebreakers are battling to free the nearly 100 sealing vessels that have been trapped there since last week. Some of the hunters had to flee their ships to keep from being crushed by the shifting icebergs.

Gee, too bad.

Too bad the seal murderers couldn't be taken out in the same manner they eliminate their helpless victims ... with a hooked club to the head.

But then again, that's too humane for them.

The good news is their dire situation may have saved 60,000 baby seals from being clubbed to death.

Don't buy coats made with seal fur and boycott Canadian seafood. To show your support for a seal-hunt ban and to help stop the slaughter, go to International Fund for Animal Welfare, or the Humane Society of the United State for more information. (AP photos)

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007


All of a sudden, granddaughter Chloe realized that behind the locked cabinet doors (that she figured out how to open) are some neat things to play with.

There are spray bottles filled with pretty colored liquids, gooey foaming stuff and even plastic jars with pasty goop to spread on anything and everything.

Unfortunately, Chloe doesn't know they can hurt her. So, when she's with me, I always make her stay within my sight while I try to teach her about poisons.

The only problem is that Chloe's faster than her ole Nana.

While I was cleaning the table with Windex, I set down the bottle and turned my back. Like Quick Draw McGraw, the little squirt grabbed the Windex and doused parakeets Major Bird and Minor Bird. I had to flush the poor birdies with water and clean their cage.

Chloe said she did it because she "wanted them to be shiny."

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007


Mr. Anal can open food boxes with those little tabs on top without ripping them. I've watched him do it ... methodically.

I can't separate the thin pieces of cardboard, sealed with the glue that holds up a man hanging onto a hard hat stuck to an I-beam, without tearing them in half. He's watched me do it ... haphazardly.

Mr. Anal also carefully folds the plastic liners, before closing his perfectly opened boxes, to seal in the freshness.

I crumble the plastic liners and shove them inside my half-closed boxes without a concern for staleness ... which is why I often get the "why raisins get
hard" lecture.

Now I've developed a box-top phobia, and no longer touch those he uses. His raisins stay soft and my Mini Wheats get hard.

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Monday, April 23, 2007


She's back!

Our resident goose has returned for the fifth year to lay her eggs on the flower berm next to the building here at work.

Every year she vigilantly sits on her nest, incubating her eggs that soon will hatch into little goslings.

She must have been extra fertile because she had three suitors this year that fought for her attention. I watched her lifelong mate try and chase away the other two ganders as she plucked her feathers to pad her nest.

They all hung around for a day or two, but I haven't seen them since. Maybe they flew the coop.

In any case, she'll sit there, ever patiently, in the hot sun, rain or whatever weather, for the next month or so.

The wonders of nature. Goosey is my favorite rite of spring.

Friday, April 20, 2007


Plastic vs. metal?

Ever since I misplaced (I'd never say lost) my $80, lightweight, favorite plastic-frame sunglasses while on vacation last month, I've been wearing this metal pair. I found them one year in the grocery store parking lot and threw them in the car just in case ...

Well, the "just in case" happened.

The only problem is that I hate wearing metal sunglasses because they are heavy, cold in the winter and hold the heat in the summer (if you live in Florida, they actually can burn your nose).

I haven't gone out to buy a new pair because it takes too much thinking. You know, are they too round, too dark, too something or other? And then there's all that taking them on and off, standing on my toes to see how they look in the mirror that's always too high on the sunglasses stand.

But I need to wear sunglasses even if it's not sunny because my mother claimed that brown eyes are more sensitive to light.

Gee, you'd think I'd ask eye Dr. Son.

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Thursday, April 19, 2007


Now, I've heard it all.

An assistant biology professor at Western Kentucky University in Bowling Green suspects fish are going deaf. Do ya think this guy might have too much time on his hands?

No matter. He got a $10,000 grant to study their auditory systems to discover if Navy sonar and oceanic shipping's underwater noise pollution could be the cause.

He plans to expose goldfish, trout and other fish to various sound combinations to find out. I wonder if PETA would considered that fish abuse.

Gives new meaning to the question, "If a tree falls in the woods and no one's around, does it make any sound?"

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Wednesday, April 18, 2007


The Internet reminds me of the telephone game.

It seems this grizzly item has been circulating since 2001, and it continues to grow by the day.

This bear was killed Oct. 14, 2001, by U.S. Air Force Airman Theodore Winnen on Hinchinbrook Island, Prince William Sound. It measured 10 feet by 6 inches from nose to tail and weighed an estimated 1,200 pounds. It was considered big, but not a world record or even a record for Alaska.

An e-mail that I received a couple of days ago with these pictures says the grizzly stood 14 feet and was the largest ever recorded in the world. It also said the bear charged a U.S. Forest Service worker before he emptied his 7mm Magnum semi-automatic gun into it.

In reality, Winnen used a 338-caliber Winchester Magnum, and the bear wasn't charging. Most likely, it didn't even see the military man who was down wind and in camouflage.

The e-mail also said the bear had the remains of two humans in its stomach, another falsehood. Check out Break the Chain Web site to read the real bear stories. But, be careful if you have a weak stomach because it also shows a picture of what appears to be the remains of a partially eaten man.

All this makes a good case for "don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see."

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007


My only claim to fame was meeting and spending time with singer Cat Stevens when I worked at Disney World in the early '70s.

Cat was a huge pop star with an unbelievable talent for writing music and lyrics. At the time, there was no controversy sounding him or his religious beliefs.

I was just a 20-year-old girl who loved his songs; he was a 23-year-old man who asked me to dinner, and for a moment in time, something clicked.

Sitting together in the normal, but surreal, atmosphere of the Polynesian Hotel dinning room, I remember discussing his songs, and he asked me what I thought "Into White" meant.

I had no answer. He confided that it was about how nothing lasts and that sooner or later we all just fade into white.

It was a very poignant realization for me. I was taken aback that such a young
person, with the world at his feet, would dwell so deeply on death.

Little did I know that later in life - on Sept. 11, 2001, at my mother's death, and yesterday after the Virginia Tech massacre - I would think of that song and wonder ... is it all that simple?

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Monday, April 16, 2007


Yesterday was Holocaust Remembrance Day.

Jewish congregations across the country marked the day with prayer and song in remembrance of those who lost their lives at the hands of the Nazis.

Yet, despite the documented atrocities that occurred more than 60 years ago, there
are some who claim The Holocaust never happened.

In 2005, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad described it as "a myth", and
even the UK this month removed lessons about The Holocaust from its school curriculum because it offended the Muslim population.

This propaganda campaign, known as Holocaust "revisionism," is spreading, and it's reprehensible.

Makes one wonder Where have all the flowers gone?

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Friday, April 13, 2007


I feel his pain.

While the injuries Gov. Corzine sustained an auto accident yesterday are not life-threatening, they are serious. Having had similar injuries - a compound fracture of the left leg, broken ribs and a compressed fracture of the vertebrae - I cringe at what he's feeling right now.

Nothing I've ever experienced, including natural childbirth, ever has hurt that much.

Once he's stabilized, there's still the possibility of infection in the leg that will leave him in fear of amputation for months, not to mention post-traumatic stress, a year of therapy and arthritis later in life. Most likely he'll have a limp and one leg shorter than the other.

He has a long recovery ahead of him.

Hopefully, he's on some good drugs.

Maybe he can share them with now Acting Gov. Codey.

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Thursday, April 12, 2007


It's almost here.

With all the rain lately here in New Jersey, it may not feel like barbecue season.

It's here anyway, and as I was preparing to spend some warm spring nights outdoors, I discovered one thing. It's not a good idea to save citronella candles from year to year.

As you can see, they have a way of doing funny things such as oozing out of the seams of the metal containers that hold the wax.

And, in case you didn't know, the citronella oil in the melted wax is highly flammable.

Just check out the idiots on YouTube playing with it.

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007


A British woman left infertile after having been treated for ovarian cancer has no right to any of her fertilized eggs frozen before her ovaries were removed.

Her former fiance who provided the sperm for the 2001 in vitro fertilization has changed his mind about having a child with with woman and refused to continue with the process. British law stipulates consent is needed from both parents throughout every stage.

The embryos now will be destroyed, along with the woman's hopes of ever becoming a mother.

And, we wonder why some women want to run over their boyfriends with their cars.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007


There's a reason why I like animals better than people.

Take for example this whole Don Imus scandal. Because it has been discussed, reported on and written about ad nauseam I'm not going to belabor it, but here's my 2 cents, anyway.

I say take the first baloney head and make him clean the Rutgers women's locker room until all the players he insulted graduate or he dies, whichever comes first. He should pay their college tuition, too.

Then take the second baloney head, rousing protests for the first baloney head's firing, and make him write skits for stand-up comics. Better yet, since he loves the spotlight so much, make him do stand-up in Bismarck, North Dakota, then film it as a documentary on "Keepin' it Real."

It's amazing how often I'd like to bury my head until all the stupidity in the world blows over or dies, whichever comes first.

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Monday, April 09, 2007


She called him "Next."

Little Sis and her man, Cowboy, had a special kind of Easter dinner ... hamburgers.

It was one of the bovines from Cowboy's herd.

The only problem was that Little Sis had some trouble chowing down on the cow that she had named and helped raise before his slaughter. She said she got very upset when they took Next away and wasn't sure if she was cut out for this ranching thing.

Putting a face behind the meat on your holiday table can be a little tough.

I've always said I'd be a vegetarian if I had to kill (or raise) dinner.

I wonder how he tasted.

Friday, April 06, 2007


I can see why they didn't want to let this one out of the barn.

An inherited disease that leads to violent outbursts and short tempers seems to have plagued McCoy family members and may have helped to set off the infamous feud with the Hatfields in the late 1800s.

The long-running battle, which played out the between the clans in the hill country of eastern Kentucky and West Virginia, is thought to have begun over land during the Civil War.

Descendants of the McCoys are now being treated for Hippel-Lindau, a condition that also causes tumors in the eyes, ears, pancreas, kidneys, brain and spine, according to Vanderbilt University endocrinologists. Three-quarters of affected McCoy kindred have adrenal gland tumors.

Genetic experts supposedly have known about the McCoys' afflictions for decades, but kept it a secret ... some kinsfolk say because of insurance reasons.

I'd say because it gives way to more jokes about marrying your cousin.

Why does that dueling banjo song come to mind?

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Thursday, April 05, 2007


I was going to write about Rolling "Stoner" guitarist Keith Richards who joked about snorting his father's ashes mixed with cocaine.

Instead, I got a little ticked off when I heard a couple of radio talk-show hosts bashing old people this morning.

They were so disrespectful that I secretly wished these two guys would live to be a sickly 100-plus in a nursing home that employs insolent aides.

Then, I read about a study that found older people don't want to exercise in front of a bunch of young hard bodies wearing Spandex.

Can you blame them?

Attitudes toward the elderly in this country are so flagrantly disgraceful that receiving an AARP invitation can send almost anyone into seclusion.

It's time for baby boomers to change the tide and proudly strut their stuff on the boardwalk in front of the hard bodies.

And remember, as Richards knows, sometimes Spandex is your friend.

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Wednesday, April 04, 2007


New Jersey educators want to add Chinese as a world language to their school's curriculum.

They deduce that since 67 percent of students already speak Spanish, why not give them an opportunity, at taxpayers' expense, to become trilingual?

Are they smoking crack?

Teaching kids to speak Chinese before they can speak English proficiently shouldn't happen until pigs can fly.

Then again, Pig Latin as a first language sounds kind of "iftyna."

P.S. Sorry, I have no pictures of pigs, but Canada geese should do the trick. They're almost as dirty, and they already can fly.

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Tuesday, April 03, 2007


A few designers are in the doghouse for using real animal fur on clothing after vowing not to use anything but faux fur.

A Humane Society report targets Tommy Hilfiger, Baby Phat and Sean John products, which were found to have wild raccoon and domestic dog fur, including a German
shepherd-collie mix.

It seems designers outsource their manufacturing to China, where fur is cheap and animal laws less stringent, so often many garments are mislabeled. As a result, some retailers end up selling those with real fur as faux.

Sounds like the consumer is getting skinned no matter what their animal-rights stance is.

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Monday, April 02, 2007


Elizabeth Stone, ghostwriter of Dina Matos McGreevey's book "Silent Partner" due to be released May 1, told a Fordham University panel that she doesn't think former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey is gay.

No wonder Dina McGreevey's confused.

How you can live with someone for 10 years, have a baby with him before he publicly confesses that he's gay and then be told "no he's not gay," only bi-sexual?

I mean, this poor woman's head must be spinning.

Dina did the right thing when she told her husband to take a long walk off a short pier.

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