STACKING THE DECK

Be glad you don't live next to me.


A Somerset County township tabled a dog ordinance that would have found dogs (and their owners) in violation if they barked four times per minute for more than 10 minutes, or two times a minute for at least an hour.

I'm wondering if that counts for just one dog, or if my three dogs barked a total of 12 times a minute for 120 times in 10 minutes would that be three times the fine?


And does it count toward the violation if I growled (yes, growled) "baaaad" after every bark like some dog trainers tell you to do? Would I be fined, too, for trying to get my dogs to stop barking at the neighbors' two dogs that are barking back at a rate of eight times a minute for 80 times in 10 minutes?

That would be 200 barks from the dogs and 120 "baaaads" from me for a total of 320 noise violations in 10 minutes.


Take a tip from plus-size Toots: Let it go, lie very still and try not to tip over your cache of carefully stacked doggie treats.

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