DON'T GIVE THIS GUY NO LIP!

A San Mateo, Calif., man is accused of biting off his wife's bottom lip.


Akano Nzerem, 54, allegedly grabbed his wife in a bear hug and bit off her lip after she called him short.

Waaaaa!

Police recovered the lip from the floor but doctors were unable to reattach it. Nzerem is charged with felony counts of domestic violence, mayhem, false imprisonment, battery and making criminal threats.

I'll be thinking twice now when, after an argument, I bend over and tell Spud "Yeah, well bite this!"

Have a great holiday, everyone!

Here's a little YouTube ditty to entertain you while you "juggle" all your Memorial Day activities. You must have the sound up on your computer to appreciate this!

TOOTSIE'S ROLLS

West Hollywood, Calif., wants to ban cosmetic surgery.


Not for people ... but pets.

Lawmakers say unnecessary "non-curative" surgeries, such as ear cropping, tail docking and debarking are cruel body alterations for the critters. The animal-friendly town that calls pet owners "pet guardians" already has made cat de-clawing illegal.


I wonder if "non-curative" surgery includes spaying and neutering.

Here's my logic ... Chihuahua Toots got fat after we had her spayed.

In any case, she's pretty fat, so would a little lipo on plus-sized Tootsie's rolls be illegal? Sounds like "curative" surgery to me.


Oh please, I'm just kidding! That little - I mean big - hot tamale keeps my feet warm at night!