THREAD BARE OR BARELY THERE

They always shrink.

No matter what piece of clothing I buy, it either shrinks or disintegrates when I
wash it (except for underwear, which inevitably stretches out, of course).

My jeans are tight, full-length sleeves on my shirts have recessed to
three-quarters, and the cuffs no longer button.

I know I haven't gained weight because my watch still fits.

Then there are those little balls of lint that wad up on some material. I love those. They complement the dog hair.

Dry cleaning may be in my future. After all, I spare no expense when it comes to
clothing.

I must remember, though, to call my tailor at Wal-Mart and complain.