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A CYNICAL LOOK AT THE DAILY GRIND

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

SEALED WITH A KISS


Hershey's Kisses got the U.S. Postal Service's stamp of approval for its 100th birthday.


Now all you Kiss-lovers have the 39-cent variety that tastes like glue.

Joining the gotta-have-one epidemic, Kentucky Fried Chicken also petitioned the USPS for its own stamp to commemorate KFC founder Harlem Sanders, who died in 1980 at age 90.

I wonder what they'll put on it ... the Colonel's mug? a bucket of chicken parts? or how about the so-called fried rat that made KFC famous?


Guess the company wants to make its mark before snail mail goes kaput, as if more than a billion "finger lickin' good" chicken dinners sold in 80 countries around the world every year aren't enough.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

LEAVE THE LIGHT ON, BABY!


(AP PHOTO)

I think I've got seasonal affective disorder.

I mean, I get up in the dark, spend most of my day inside and go home in the dark, then wonder why I'm in a fatigued funk.

I'm stuck in night.

When I was researching the spiders on dope, I read that jumping spiders have markings on their faces and legs that glow in ultraviolet light. Those markings make them attractive to the opposite sex and, well, frisky. They won't mate without the light.

Guess I'll just have to buy some dayglow body paint and get one of those ultraviolet purple bulbs like we had in the '70s.

Watch out, Spud!

Monday, January 29, 2007

SNOW TO GO


I'm not sure what peeves me more about snowy days, cleaning off the car, the slow traffic because everyone's afraid of slippery conditions or...

THAT ONE SPOT ON THE WINDSHIELD (THROUGH WHICH YOU MUST SEE TO DRIVE) CAN'T BE CLEARED BECAUSE THERE IS ICE ON THAT ONE SPOT OF THE FROZEN WIPER!

What happened to global warming, anyway?

Friday, January 26, 2007

HOLY JITTERS, BATMAN!


Save that Krispy Kreme!

It seems a Durham, North Carolina, molecular scientist has developed a way to add caffeine to doughnuts and baked goods without the bitter taste.

Each piece of pastry is the equivalent of about two cups of coffee.

Sugar, carbs and now caffeine? Real heart-smart, Dr. Robert Bohannon.

Thanks for another way to make life a little more tense.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE


I was going to blog about the rich widow who's been buying secluded islands off the Connecticut coast, but what's the point?

She's just rich and eccentric.

Instead, I gotta put in my 2 cents about the local lovelorn guy who jumped off the Sea Bright Rumson bridge into the frigid Shrewsbury River to impress his date. Luckily, he was rescued, but not before he almost succumbed to hypothermia.

So buddy, want to make a real splash?

Check out this bridge jumper (and there are hundreds) who set himself on fire before plunging into the water below.

Or, how about this deadly swim over Niagara Falls caught on tape by a news crew?

Just remember, you might make the news, but no one's impressed with your intelligence.

Play it safe, guys, give the girl flowers instead.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

PERFECTLY CLEAR


I rarely discuss politics.

It was just a coincidence that Dr. Daughter-in-Law sent me this picture yesterday of Chief Master Sgt. John Gebhardt holding an injured little girl in Iraq, and the President's State of the Union address was last night.

The little girl's family was executed by insurgents, and she was shot in the head and left to die. To read more about this photo and the work our soldiers are doing in Iraq, click here.

Those who criticize Bush's reasoning for sending over more troops only have to
take a look at this to understand why.

No matter what your opinion is of the President or on the War in Iraq, this has to touch your heart.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

IN THE WEEDS


I'm having flashbacks.

When I was a waitress putting myself through college years ago, we used to say we were "in the weeds" when we got behind in our work.

Today, I'm there again trying to figure out several new computer programs to be able to perform some of the duties as the local microsites news editor.

I've never worked on a Mac before, so I'm a little lost, even with the simplest functions.

I know I'll muddle through with constant use, but until then, I'll be like my grandmother said she was while cooking.

I'm not a fast cook or a slow cook ... just a half-fast cook.

Monday, January 22, 2007

DREAM ON


I watch the movie "Munich" on cable last night.

Now, I rarely go to the movies or, for that matter, stay awake for an entire DVD if we watch one at home.

But this movie about the 1972 murders of the 11 Israeli Olympic athletes had me riveted to the TV set.

By the end, I was about as strung out as the hired assassins who constantly lived in fear of being killed. So strung out, I was ready to sleep in the closet.

Going to sleep was a little tough, too.

When I finally did drift off, I dreamed I was the beautiful Dutch counter-assassin who was killed on her houseboat after she snuffed out one of the supposedly good guys.

It was a pretty gruesome scene.

I was glad, though, when I woke up that I'm a nobody.

Friday, January 19, 2007

THE GREEN MONSTER



Granddaughter Chloe has a little jealous streak.

As you can see here, the urge to "get" her baby brother is just too much.

Yesterday, when she was tormenting the dogs, she slapped her mother after Darling Daughter tried to make her stop. Chloe ended up in time-out until she took a nap.


Tonight, she's staying with me, and she has a tendency to torture Chihuahua Toots (the only perma-pup who'll go near her) with a pinch or ear twist.

But Nana has a plan.

Little Chloe loves to play with the Dust Buster.

I've saved up enough hairs, parakeet feathers and seed on the floor to keep her busy until the battery on the Buster wears out.

That should take up at least 10 minutes.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

DOPEY SPIDERS


Maybe you've already heard about the 12-year-old study by NASA researchers involving web-spinning spiders on drugs, but this is a first for me.

It seems common house spiders were fed flies spiked with drugs such as LSD, marijuana, caffeine, speed and tranquilizers.

Take a look at the photos of the kinds of webs they produced while on these drugs.

Then, for a laugh, check out this take off (put the sound up) on the study.

Makes you wonder what Charlotte was on when she spelled out "some pig."

P.S. My backyard spider was on weed kill when he made this fortress.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

WHERE'S MAXWELL SMART?


There just might be a spy in your pocket.

The Defense Department has discovered a new espionage threat for American contractors who travel back and forth to Canada.

It seems tiny radios frequency transmitters have been found inside Canadian coins to track the comings and goings of defense contractors.

No one knows (or they aren't revealing) who or why Americans are being tracked, or how these contractors were given the coins in the first place.

Sounds like something out of a James Bond movie.

The next thing you know, someone will invent transmitter-laden underwear to track spouses who might be cheating.

In that case, it would be advantageous to incorporate an invisible-fence feature so if they push the limits ... like the dog that they are ... you could shock 'em back to their own backyard.

Then again, who'd want them back?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

KEEP ON DREAMING


My mother used to say she thought I should have been an actor because I was always so animated.

A personality defect, I guess.

But as a child, I imitated actors and made up fake commercials with my own little spin on things when we all were gathered in front of the television at night.

It made them laugh, but secretly I wanted to be a star, too.

As I watched the red-carpet entrances of the celebrities before the Golden Globes
last night, I was fascinated how the cameras panned each from head to toe. Their gowns, jewelry and shoes were all gorgeous.

Then I looked down and ... well, the last laugh is on me.

P.S. Standing on the garage floor gave a pathetic touch to my attire, don't you think?

Monday, January 15, 2007

CHILDREN OF THE CORN



I try not to feel bad for them, but they know I'm a wuss.

I have tried every squirrel deterrent known to man to keep the furry rodents from raiding my bird feeders.

A few left town when I stopped feeding them last spring and put in the squirrel-proof bird feeders. Those that stayed looked like the seniors of my backyard community, with their gray-haired faces hungrily peering at me from the fence posts, so then I really felt bad.

That's when I gave up and bought this corncob contraption on sale.


The squirrels are happy, but by the time I screw the cobs on this thing, I'm ready to bonk a squirrel or two for making me feel so guilty.

Sometimes it sucks to have feelings.

Friday, January 12, 2007

REST IN PEACE


To the families and friends of Michael Dragonetti, James Warnock, Andrew Lundy and Ruth MacArthur: These first painful days after the deaths of your loved ones will grip your hearts mercilessly. They will be filled with darkness and your very souls will plunge into a bottomless abyss of grief ... an abyss from which you may think you'll never emerge.

But take refuge within the love of your families and friends, and know that you are not alone. Even strangers, those who have had death on their doorsteps, feel your pain.

In time, you will see small signs of healing, and someday the sun will shine again in your life. It may not be next week, next month or even next year, but it will shine again.

May God cradle you in His arms and comfort you until then, for only He can provide the answers to why.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

BITTER LITTLE PILL?


Drugmakers now have come up with a chewable contraceptive for women 35 and younger.

The spearmint-flavored tablet, that also can be swallowed without chewing, works just like birth-control pills already on the market, but offers a new option for women who don't like swallowing pills.

But what about men? In November, MSNBC reported the male birth-control pill is almost ready. So what's taking drugmakers so long to get them on the market?

There must be some logical reason ... such as ... if men can't remember to put the toilet seat down, what makes us believe they'll remember to take a pill every day?

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN


It's the latest rage.

Young hip-hopsters on the West Coast are into a new fad that involves a stunt in which a driver gets out of his car and dances around on the top of the moving vehicle.

At least two people have been killed "ghost riding" so far.

Thanks to numerous posted videos on YouTube of guys trying these antics, it's caught on nationwide with the younger set.

One video shows a young man leaping from the top of his truck right before it crashes into a utility pole. Check out ghost riding gone bad.

Seems this is some fatal attraction.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

DYING TO LIVE


She really is loved.

Every year about this time when beautiful poinsettias (that made the Christmas season even more beautiful) start to give up and die, I feel sad just like my co-workers who have taken up the cause to try and keep this little "Poinsy" alive.

Yes, they named her.

And every year, there is one hanger-on that gets my attention and effort to help it survive ... at least until Valentine's Day.

Usually, though, after they begin to wilt, they are tossed out, half alive, on top of the garbage heap.

So let's have a moment of silence for all the poinsettias that don't have good plant
mommies and daddies, and for those that are the bane of our existence as their leaves and blooms, that used to be on their stems, are now decorating our floors.

Monday, January 08, 2007

BIRD'S NOT THE WORD



It seems Pluto finally is getting some respect.

The American Dialect Society has chosen plutoed, meaning to demote or devalue someone, as the 2006 Word of the Year.

It won over climate canary, an organism or species whose poor health or declining numbers hint at a larger environmental catastrophe on the horizon.

To see more winners, such as boomeritis or lactard, in other categories go to
American Dialect Society on the Web.

I'm sure you'll find it an interesting read. Who would have thought there was such a word as firecrotch?

P.S. Imagine this is a picture of Pluto and not the moon.

Friday, January 05, 2007

HERE'S LOOKING AT YA ... AGAIN


The Food and Drug Administration has given preliminary approval to meat and milk for consumption from cloned animals and their offspring.

Scientists found "virtually no difference between food from clones and food from
conventional livestock." However, they don't have enough information to decide whether food from sheep clones is safe.


Could someone be pulling the wool over their eyes? Do I have to give up my favorite mutton recipe?

And here I thought all I had to worry about was cloned Spam.

By the way, these photos are not of cloned steers. They were taken by Little Sis at her man's ranch in Florida.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

ONE DAY AT A TIME


It never fails.

Every year I make it a point to buy a bunch of calendars to give as Christmas presents.

Last year, I had so many calendars left over that I put one in every room of my house. Then my dentist, insurance company and heater man sent me a few more.

I didn't need one at work because the company provides generic calendars for employees, so I was deluged with calendars for 2006.

This year I decided not to buy any.

And yes, you guessed it, I didn't get one calendar ... from anyone.

Of course after the new year, the selection of calendars (that you have to stare at all year long) is sparse, which is why I'm now looking at Dora the Explorer.


P.S. I considered buying the one title "Men are like ..." but there were way too many pictures of half-naked young men in it. I figured I wouldn't know what month it was flipping from page to page all day long.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

SELLING ICE TO ESKIMOS


This week's temperatures are predicted to be somewhere in the high '50s to mid '60s here at the Shore.

Come on all you Northerners ... it's January.

Is there ANYONE out there who misses all that snow?

Photo of the Fairbanks Ice Festival was sent in by blogger Tom of Brick. If you want to see more outstanding photos of the festival, e-mail me at dianaf@app.com and I will forward you a copy.

Thanks, Tom

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

DUMB LUCK



Last month, auditors found that lottery officials paid nearly $1 million to people who owed debts to the state.

Before prize payments of more than $600 are processed, the Division of State Lottery is required to determine if winners have defaulted on child support or student loans. Instead, the state has been just giving out winnings willy-nilly.

On one hand, it seems like a good idea for the state to stay on top of deadbeats.

On the other, I'm wondering if it should be sticking its greedy nose in people's personal business since now legislators want to pass a law that would allow the state to take money from winnings for overdue bills, property and income taxes and fines.

Now, that's priceless!